Pourqoui?! C'est pas que je m'attendrais! Etre prevenu venir de départir, c'est le plus ridicule situation de l'année! Et pour un situation que je n'ai pas tort completement.

Chips, vodka, music

Oh lord, what hath become me? Ah! Decided not to go wala so that I can complete that long procrastinated-dead line approaching application essay, and yet, I ended up staring at the screen, feeling bored, and poured myself 2-3 shots worth of vodka + coke light and munched away at chips whilst reading bonfire of the vanities. Now, I resume my vain effort of continuing my challenge with the essays, and wanting to sleep!

In anycase, 10 more steps!

11 more steps

I hear the keys, you are 1 step closer. :) Salvation!

But I STILL have to stay back today.

11 steps away.

12 more steps to liberty

Dear good blessed ethereal apparently omnipresent omnipotent eternal Lord,

For 1 years and 11 months, I have been ensnared by this black iron prison. Every morning, I wake up at 6am to wash up and prepare my breakfast and packed lunch. For Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays, I leave home by 6.45am, whilst on Tuesdays and Thursdays, I leave home around 7.15am. On my way to camp, I look out of the window, and is constantly struck by jealously, jealously of the freedom the students have. The contrast is too stark! They skip to school in anticipation of another enriching day; I slouch to work dreading another dreary draining day. Everyday when it reaches 4.30pm, I wonder when I'll be able to take my short hiatus from camp. 5.30pm? 6pm? 10pm? We celebrate our small victories when we eke out of camp by 5.30pm. We congratulate each other when we leave at 6pm. And we grouse but take it stoically when we can only leave at 11pm.

I see you approaching with the keys! How beautiful they gleam under the brilliant halo of yours! What alluring music they play as they clatter against each other!

And you are but 12 steps away. 12 steps away! My dear lord. I do not want to importune you, but please make haste!

Sorry my lord, but I have to depart for now. I shall converse with you tomorrow again, 1 step nearer to you.

Bye Kai wen!

I just realised that with Kai wen's ORD, I am effectively reduced to myself talking to myself about philosophy, social behavior, or in fact, anything regarding the humanities or stories and literature that I read (so much like my post-suicidal, post-graduation and post-enlistment days!). Sigh. I must admit that if NS has everything bad going for it, at least it gave me the time to discuss stuff people normally find to dry to talk about, and allowed me to meet a person drastically more knowledgeable than me in certain academic areas, thus spurring me to read even more (of course this was not the only good thing lah! Learning Carter's "any mother son...ni chi bao mei?! is also another educational lesson! I'm leaving this for another post though!)! I hope I don't sound arrogant, but it's really been some time since I have met someone to truly spur me to push the envelope of my mind's capabilities. There are some of course, like the immortal Guan Yin (haha...for those not in the know, this is not the goddess ok! I do NOT desecrate religious idols! :P), or Mr pau li bu xiang rong (or in English, Pauli's exclusion principal) back in RV days (I think only Chen Yu knows who he is), but ya, I guess I easily sink into complacency when I appear to know something of everything, and thus can con any random dude into believing that I am knowledgeable hahaha....Did you know that polar bear skin is black! Or that string theory is a combination of 5 separate theories (knowledge of which I have all ashamedly returned to Prof Brian Greene. Thanks for the educational ride though!). Or that String Theory postulates a Calabi-Yau manifold as THE 7 dimension space within our perceived 3 dimension space (what on Earth is a manifold?!?!?!)! Bet you didn't know that! Eh, what the hell am I talking about? Getting incoherent.

Anyways, I presume Kai wen doesn't read my blog, but if you do! Thanks for all the intellectual stimulation you have provided me over the year! From Ayn Rand to Fukuyama, Timurlane to Napoleon (and Samarkand! We MUST visit it one day!).

And no more kai wen to go "chee byeeee! I believe in discordianism ok!" lol...

Yes, I would never have declared myself agnostic in an official personnel particulars list if you hadn't claim yourself a "discordianist"!

Oh, je n'ai pas complété. Je suis d'accord que ORD est OVERRATED. Mais, il est le HAPPINESS c'est OVERRATED. Le RELIEVE et REPRIVE, ce n'est pas OVERRATED!

Back to reading TinTin. Sigh, TinTin dan le francais est vraiment ardu.

Je pense je dois un catharsis. Ou je tuerais quelque dans mon bureau!

Grr.

Mais, c'est 4 semaines a ORD. J'endure!

On ne s'y attend pas je serai un bon ami avec ces USELESS personnes.

Procrustean bed

I like this word :) describe perfectly what we are doing now.

J'ai realise...

I enjoy looking at the pictures that are put up by my friends (acquaintances, and eh, strangers :D) who are overseas. I guess being trapped here makes living vicariously through others that much more attractive! Anyways, I must say that JE SUIS VRAIMENT JALOUX with some of you guys (and girls :D)!

But as I walk through London with Kok Chong, pass bridges with Sheryl, dine at some Harry Potter-esque hall with Caleb, I realised something...why do folksies en Angleterre seem to have so much time?! Sorry if I appear mistaken, but man, you guys are practically trawling around England, and then traversing through Europe, and then more! To immerse oneself in the haute couture of Paris! To bury oneselves amongst the beer and fries of Belge! Ah, je l'aime et je suis envieux! Is it really that good there?

Et j'ai realise aussi...

Kai wen, you are wrong to call us dogs. Dogs at least receive proclaimations of love and respect from the owners, and do receive it from time to time. But neither am I right to think of ourselves as slaves. Slaves are 3/5ths of a man. As lowly ranked NSFs, we are not even consider human.

We need our own Hegira in the service!

I have changed dramatically

Oh my. I really have changed haven't I? Never in my wildest dreams have I ever considered involving myself in local politics. But I guess I have woken to the realities that if I want improvements, doing it myself is probably more efficacious than begging for help. So yes, I have taken Kai Wen's suggestion. Lets see how it works out.

What's the problem?

Just finished reading Stand on Zanzibar (took too damn long...sigh). And yes, it involves the same recurring dystopic themes that I love so much, simply because I feel so much connection with it regarding the current world that I live in.

Whenever I involve myself emotionally in various topics, I almost always find myself regretting that not many people I know enunciate the same feelings as me. What further disappoints me are those who deny the existence of problems in the world and revel in their dreadfully mindless existence.

In fact, I seem to be feeling this emotional disconnect with most people I have spoken to. For example, at the summit, I really thought I would learn something new, but I came out learning more about human nature than protecting the earth! When the panelist dismissed suggestions by declaring himself "long dead before it is needed", you start realising that each person there probably does have a personal agenda: the legacy he or she wants written. Am I a depressed pessimist to worry so much for the world; a hopeless romantic to care so much for humanity's future; an impossible idealist to believe in the good of mankind, that people can peel the scales off their eyes to see for themselves the crumbling facades of Earth?

Do we need to find some "common sense" gene that will wake people up?

On another note, tomorrow marks the last six weeks in NS! Oh well, I'm definitely glad to leave this black iron prison of arbitrary rules and unreasonable wardens! Of course, over the 2 years, I have made the acquaintance of many fun and friendly superiors, but NS has also showed me the idiocy that can reigned even in areas as important as national defense. I probably have learned to judge people better now, and learn which trunk to lean when I need help.

On the other hand, the empire never ended, and the black iron prison continually exists. Being cognizant of its existence probably just makes life that much harder, but I must take my chances and learn to live.

Trophic Thunder

Watch it. Sérieusement. C'est terrifie. Had me laughing from get go lol.