Je DETESTE being put down. Je suis vraiment disappointed avec CE dude I met today. C'est IRONIC si je meet lui again in the mois ahead a son workplace!

Quite a tad disappointed with the panelists today. When I mentioned the use of OPV, it was dismissed as being too immature a technology, and cited that only 1 company makes OPV. But a cursory search via google showed at least 4 companies! What's more, DARPA is actually looking towards OPV for its field energy generation! The forecasted potential for OPV is like 40c/watt peak vs $4 / watt peak for Si cells! And this guy somehow manages to make OPV sound like some useless technology meant mainly for toys and gadgets?!

And what was worse...

"By the time we need batteries to store excess electrical power from solar cells, I would be long dead!"

I didn't know scientists talked like that. V disappointed.

Am I angsty, or am I angsty. lol.

This is pretty sad. I really want to go and run, but been forcing myself to sit here since 7 to write my "how has my world influenced my dreams" essay! And the success of my efforts extent only to the point where I typed some words, then started browsing the NYT and reading the history of Teddy Roosevelt and FDR whilst fulminating about the current credit-turned-financial-now turned-economic crisis, then finally reading about World War 2.

Which made me even more upset with how this world is being run currently. I want to be a Roosevelt!

Which in turn made me wonder if doing research is really my calling? Should I try out in politics instead? But what can Singapore do in the global minefield? Or should I do a Schwarzenegger? But he had least had body building to fund his foray into American life and popularity. And he's white.

Darn! I feel useless and trapped in this insignificant body and life. I feel like I have done nothing in 21 years of life! I feel pathetic whining about my futile Singapore life when I can't even focus my mind to write an essay!

The ironies! Alanis, vous avez eu raison!

Oh ya, and the point about world war 2? Fuck war, fuck the world's armies. Why for the love of god are humans fighting each other when we are already suffering? I wonder if mankind really wants Burnet's view to triumph?

Sun + Water = Fuel?

Sun + Water = Fuel???!!!

I'm getting very disappointed with MIT review's Kelvin Bullis. This is the 2nd time I have seen him sensationalising Nocera's research, masquerading variations of improved electrolysis as ARTIFICIAL PHOTOSYNTHESIS! What ever happened to balanced and detached reports?!

“The whole point of the armed forces is to hurt the environment,” he said. “You go on a bombing mission — do they have to prepare an environmental impact statement first?”

I just love a man who speaks the truth!

I need to live life

Alas,

I need to live life
Like some people never will
So find me kindness
Find me beauty
Find me truth
When temptation brings me to my knees
And I lay here drained on stength
Show me kindness
Show me beauty
Show me truth

so poignant.
From, Learning to Live, one of my favorite songs, which I have not listen to for sometime.

And from another long time favourite, Endless Sacrifice

Try to stay alive
Until I hear your voice
I'm gonna lose my mind
Someone tell me why
I chose this life
This superficial lie
Constant compromise
Endless sacrifice
.
.
.
You're so far away
And so alone
You long for love's embrace
To keep you sane
To make you whole

Damn, I keep having dreams of HIM hitting HER, ME hitting back at HIM, HIM half-dead, HER afraid, HER lonely, and I wake up.

I think I'm starting to get lost again. Oh my oh my...this sacrifice of my sanity must end. I really need to start living my own life.

Pigs don't fly

Pigs don't fly: You don't work, you die

As I pass through my incarnations in every age and race,
I make my proper prostrations to the Gods of the Market Place.
Peering through reverent fingers I watch them flourish and fall,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings, I notice, outlast them all.

We were living in trees when they met us. They showed us each in turn
That Water would certainly wet us, as Fire would certainly burn:
But we found them lacking in Uplift, Vision and Breadth of Mind,
So we left them to teach the Gorillas while we followed the March of Mankind.

We moved as the Spirit listed. They never altered their pace,
Being neither cloud nor wind-borne like the Gods of the Market Place;
But they always caught up with our progress, and presently word would come
That a tribe had been wiped off its icefield, or the lights had gone out in Rome.

With the Hopes that our World is built on they were utterly out of touch,
They denied that the Moon was Stilton; they denied she was even Dutch;
They denied that Wishes were Horses; they denied that a Pig had Wings;
So we worshipped the Gods of the Market Who promised these beautiful things.

When the Cambrian measures were forming, They promised perpetual peace.
They swore, if we gave them our weapons, that the wars of the tribes would cease.
But when we disarmed They sold us and delivered us bound to our foe,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "Stick to the Devil you know."

On the first Feminian Sandstones we were promised the Fuller Life
(Which started by loving our neighbour and ended by loving his wife)
Till our women had no more children and the men lost reason and faith,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "The Wages of Sin is Death."

In the Carboniferous Epoch we were promised abundance for all,
By robbing selected Peter to pay for collective Paul;
But, though we had plenty of money, there was nothing our money could buy,
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings said: "If you don't work you die."

Then the Gods of the Market tumbled, and their smooth-tongued wizards withdrew
And the hearts of the meanest were humbled and began to believe it was true
That All is not Gold that Glitters, and Two and Two make Four—
And the Gods of the Copybook Headings limped up to explain it once more.

. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .

As it will be in the future, it was at the birth of Man—
There are only four things certain since Social Progress began:—
That the Dog returns to his Vomit and the Sow returns to her Mire,
And the burnt Fool's bandaged finger goes wabbling back to the Fire;

And that after this is accomplished, and the brave new world begins
When all men are paid for existing and no man must pay for his sins,
As surely as Water will wet us, as surely as Fire will burn,
The Gods of the Copybook Headings with terror and slaughter return!

Beautiful and poignant poem!

As I have ALWAYS been decrying, modern economics is nothing but a simulation, an unstable simulacrum easily pierced by doubt. When people start making money out of money, and spend their life doing so and being feted for success in doing so, we know the next economic crisis is looming.

What ever happened to the days when industrialist were lauded for advancing society, and speculators decried for the leaches they are? What ever happened to young children who grew up wanting to fly to the moon? How ever were they lost to the jaws of transient capital?

In the spirit of Kipling's poem, was suddenly inspired to write my own. Pales much in comparison to him of course!

Jack built a house and he found
the pillars rickety
the floorboards squeaky.

So he bought a pint of Nippon paint
promising beautiful varnish
that will never vanish.

He sold the house for a tidy sum
showed people how he made his pounds
and hordes of Jack's houses were found.

The Earth grumbled under this unholy weight
of never before-seen construction
and unseen events began its fermentation.

The people were having dinner one night
some just breaking fast
while others having lunch in between classes.

A collective scream ensued
when the ground tore
and houses started to fall.

So where do we go from here
with chip boards flying off machines
to replace the flimsy construction that is now so obscene.

We ditch the Nippon paints
the promise they made were empty
and invest in better paints to make the people happy.

Watch out my men (and women too!)
for the clouds still loom
where we again proclaim doom.

I was thinking

and thinking

and thinking!

And I realised!

No need for secrets anymore!

Finally!

Reminder to self: Port over only the less seditious stuff! Don't wanna raise the ire of people who can STILL charge me after I am ORD!